No, You're Not Paranoid. You're Paying Attention.
How setting digital boundaries is just like setting personal boundaries—and why both matter more than ever
So I read this article in The Washington Post the other day about Facebook and Instagram tracking people like crooks — even when the though they’d turned all the privacy settings to private —and my first thought was:
"Ugh, what the hell. Here’s something else tech I have to learn and monitor.
What does this even mean to smart, normal people? Do I need to do anything?"
Honestly, I admit that I see these kinds of articles and skim them for the BIG warnings, but I rarely pay a lot of attention. So far (knock on wood), I’ve been pretty smart about online stuff and, (up until now) have been pretty (lucky) safe.
Something in this piece made me think I should pay closer attention. Maybe it was the “like crooks” comment I had seen in another post talking about it. Rather than slogging my way through it on my own, I asked ChatGPT to explain it to me like I was 12. And once I got the summary of it in plain English, I knew I had to share it with you.
Because yes—it does matter. Especially if you're like me: Over 60, doing your best to stay somewhat aware of the speed-of-light changes going on in tech - and not wanting your actions and interests to be tracked, sold, or manipulated every time you pick up your phone.
The Short Version: They're Spying on You
Meta (aka Facebook and Instagram) has been using sneaky methods to track what you do online—even outside their apps. And no, the normal privacy settings didn't stop it. They literally bypassed protections built into your phone.
Even if you're not doing anything "wrong," it's creepy and wrong that they're collecting all this data about you—and then selling it.
What Data Are They Actually Collecting?
Oh, you know…
What sites you visit
What you shop for
What you search for
What time you're scrolling
How long you linger on certain content
What mood you're probably in based on your behavior
WTF - What mood you’re probably in??
They turn all this into a “profile” for you that tells them what companies to sell your information to - because they know better what products to sell you, how to influence you, even what news or content to show you to keep you hooked.
They don't just want your attention. They want your patterns, your impulses, your emotions. And they want to profit from it.
My Personal Wake-Up Call
Last month, I was scrolling Instagram and noticed ads for French language apps, retirement planning services, and divorce attorneys. The language apps made sense—I live in France now. But divorce attorneys? I'm happily single, divorced well over a year ago, and never searched for divorce attorneys, even back then.
Then it hit me: I'd been reading articles about women reinventing themselves after late-in-life divorce, researching statistics for my work. Instagram's algorithm decided I must be going through one myself and started targeting me accordingly.
I’m sure you’ve experienced the same thing - looking at reviews for induction ovens… and all of a sudden you’re inundated with ads for induction ovens, kitchen renovations, induction cookware, etc. That’s not an accident.
Why This Matters More for Women in Transition
That's when I realized how deeply they're tracking our digital footprints—and how wrong they can get it. But here's the scary part: what if they hadn't been wrong? What if I had been quietly researching divorce options, and suddenly those targeted ads started showing up on my shared devices or in front of family members?
Because it's not just about ads or shopping. It's about control—and for women navigating major life transitions, the stakes are even higher.
Your digital history tells a story. The question is: who gets to read it, and how might they use it against you? You might think, "I haven't done anything wrong—what's the risk?" Well, here's the hard truth:
What's legal today might not be legal tomorrow. And with the current political climate in the U.S., we've learned the hard way: never say never.
The Data Trail You Didn't Know You Were Leaving
That article you read about reproductive rights, that product you searched for after a health scare, that support group you looked up during a difficult time—even years ago—could be used against you in a completely different context.
Think about it: If you've searched for information about domestic violence resources, mental health support, or even just "how to leave an unhappy marriage," that data exists somewhere. If you've looked into job retraining programs, retirement calculators, or housing in different states—it's all being tracked and sold.
You don't have to be guilty to get flagged. You just have to have existed in a digital space that no longer aligns with someone else's agenda.
That's not fear-mongering. That's being realistic. And for women who are already challenging societal expectations by choosing themselves—like moving to France at 67, leaving careers, or rebuilding their lives—protecting your digital privacy becomes another form of protecting your agency.
What You Can Do: 5 Simple Steps
I'm not saying throw your phone in the river. I'm saying: you can make a few smart changes and protect your digital boundaries.
Step 1: Turn Off App Tracking
iPhone → Settings → Privacy & Security → Tracking → Turn OFF "Allow Apps to Request to Track"
Android → Settings → Privacy → Ads → Turn ON "Opt out of Ads Personalization"
Step 2: Delete Apps You Don't Need
Start with Facebook, Instagram, Messenger—apps that collect more than they give. If you still want to peek in, use the browser version.
Yes, it makes it a pain to have to sign in each time you want to check an update, but think about the positive aspect. It will be an incentive for you to spend less time in the virtual world and more time in the real world.
Step 3: Stop Using Chrome
Daaayuuuum, this one’s a tough one for me. I’ve yet to bite this bullet, but I’m starting to use Firefox again after YEARS married to Chrome. You, too, should try Firefox, Brave, or DuckDuckGo instead. Per the article, they work the same, without spying.
Step 4: Always Say NO to Cross-App Tracking
If an app asks if it can track your activity across other apps, say NO. Every time. This is a new one for me because I never thought about it being so invasive.
Step 5: Use Private Browsing for Sensitive Searches
Health questions, financial research, and personal situations—open an incognito window. It's not perfect, but it's better.
This Is About More Than Technology
If you've been following me, Wayfinding, or Bold-Women, you know I'm all about women trusting their own voices and making choices that align with their truth. Digital privacy is part of that equation.
Just like you're learning to set boundaries with people who don't respect your choices, you can set boundaries with technology that doesn't respect your privacy. Both require the same skill: recognizing when something doesn't serve you and having the courage to say no.
The women who are transforming their lives aren't just changing their external circumstances—they're reclaiming agency over every aspect of their experience. That includes what companies get to know about you and profit from your data.
The Bottom Line
You're not crazy. You're not being dramatic. You're just paying attention.
Think of it like locking your front door. You're not expecting trouble—but you're not leaving yourself wide open either.
In a world that's constantly trying to track, influence, and profit from women's choices, or the lack thereof, protecting your digital privacy is another way of protecting your right to change your life on your terms. Another right to choose.
And trust me—your future self will thank you for being this smart about it.